WHEN?

No flirty or sexy rant this time. I actually have a thought provoking topic to share. When do you know it’s time to walk away from (insert topic)? A partner, spouse, significant other, your child, your family, trusted friend, colleague, mentor, career, a hope or a dream? At what point do you have to stop and say “I’ve had enough”. I wish there was a chart or scale that when all the boxes are checked off or the little light on the scale glows red you have permission to walk away. I have struggled with this off and on for a few years now and wish with all my heart there was a hard and fast rule for each and every one of these categories. The doctors and therapists tell me over and over again only I can say when enough is enough. But I still find myself asking these questions. Moreso now then ever before because once again I am nursing a broken heart.

How many times do you allow a spouse, partner or significant other to lie to you before you pack a bag and walk away? How many times do you let your family tell you what a horrible person you are before you block them from the cell phone, house phone, snail mail and e-mail? How many times do you let a trusted friend screw you over before you tell them not to call or drop by ever again? How many times do you let a colleague take credit for your hard work before you rat them out? The term individual results may vary pops in my head, but then again I was born in 1961 so pop culture often pops into my head at the oddest times.

I have certain hot buttons that will have me walking away never to return on a first transgression. Then I have those that people can walk all over me for years before I finally put my foot down and enunciate very carefully “Never More” and beat feet for the exit. It is a very personal decision that varies from person to person and category to category. There are probably parents out there who would NEVER walk away from a child no matter their age, the nature of the transgression or how badly they were affected emotionally or financially by the actions of the child. There are women out there who would never leave their husbands no matter what the offense-it is simply not in their nature to walk away. There are also people out there who will put up with anything and everything done to them because they are afraid to be alone. To each his own is what my mother would say if she were still alive. Sound council even from the grave.

I am at a cross roads. Unfortunately it seems I am just one among many in my small circle of friends who seem to be wrestling with this very subject. I would very much like to just close my eyes and hope when I open them everything is back to normal. Unfortunately I have come to that point where my heart cannot take another direct hit. It’s broken in two and held together by rubber bands at the moment.

In between bouts of tears a few weekends ago a very nice man dropped out of the sky and ended up on my doorstep. He handed me flowers and said he had been waiting nearly a year to ask me out and just worked up the courage that morning to stop for a quick minute. They were daffodils and he said they looked like smiley faces to him. He thought I needed a few reminders to smile during the day since things were obviously not going well for me lately. He asked if he could call me later and when I nodded yes he pecked me on the cheek and ran back to the car being driven by what I recognized to be a mutual friend I work with. Now I do not subscribe to the “everything happens for a reason” mantra but this handsome young man showed up less then 48 hours after my world had been literally shattered for the second time in six months. When I was asking myself why I was putting up with the same shit as last December with the same end result. Why was I letting people walk all over me when deep inside I really am not that type of person. Why was I allowing family to convince me I was worthless when in fact I know I am important to a lot of people. Maybe the divine does work in mysterious ways because the hottie with the daffodils has been in the back of my mind for weeks now. In the span of five minutes he made me realize the time has come to say “I have had enough”. It is not going to be easy. In fact it is going to be a royal pain in the ass but sometimes you have to work thru the pain. Makes the end result worth so much more.

So there you have it folks. My question for all of you. When do you say enough is enough?

TTFN

AERYN TRAXX