Do you remember your first love?
I think I was 13 when I first fell in love with Allen. He was my 15-year-old next-door neighbor and had the most soulful deep brown eyes and golden blond hair. He played all the sports, had tons of friends, and went to the ‘big’ school, lol. And for the longest time, I didn’t think he even knew I existed.
Way back then, I went to a catholic school in New Brunswick, New Jersey. 
I was in the middle school, and he was a FRESHMAN in the bigger building just next door. The students over there always looked like they were having so much fun . So, I loved him from afar for a year and a half, and he never knew.
Then came the summer before my freshman year.
Suddenly, he’d stop in front of my house if I was out there or say hello through the window if we happened to catch each other’s eye. Gradually, he began to walk ‘down-street’ with me or come up on the porch to sit and talk for a while at night.
I was beside myself. This Adonis I’d been lusting after for almost two years had finally noticed I was alive. Unfortunately, I became ‘one of the guys’ to him. We hung out all the time, went everywhere together, but he never gave me even the tiniest indication that I was more than a pal. *sigh* Still, you never heard me complain, lol.
August came, and I was really excited about finally going to the ‘big’ school, a freshman. YEAH!
Whoa!! Put on the brakes, missy. Not so fast.
My mother came into my room and dropped the bomb that was sure to decimate my life. “We are moving to Vermont.”
VERMONT?!? Are you effin kidding me? We’re leaving this great city, all my friends, and ALLEN for some hick town in some long forgotten state? Really?
Life was over as I knew it. I was heartbroken, crushed, destroyed, distraught, devastated and any other adjective you can think of. I may have even been a little MAD!
The day we left, I sat in the doorframe of my mother’s VW bus (his name was Willie, but that’s another story), waiting for her to finish up inside the house—okay fine, I may have been sulking—when across the back lawn saunters Allen in all his golden glory. I swear, he always had a golden aura surrounding him. Oh, why am I being punished so greatly?
“So, this is it, huh?” he states with all the esteemed knowledge of the older man he was.
“Yup. It sucks,” I reply. I so don’t want to talk about this with him because I know I’ll start bawling like a baby.
And here it comes folks…
Since I’m here writing this, I obviously didn’t die…but I damn near did. And as I’m remembering all this and jotting it down, the butterflies are swarming in my tummy and my chest is constricting. I shit you not; the memory still gets to me. Wow.
“It sure does suck, Debbie,” he replies. “But I’ll always love you, and I’m gonna miss you forever.”
Before his words even registered in my foggy little brain, he leaned in and planted a 90 second kiss on my lips, came up for air, and goes in again. At this point, I know I’ve transported to some other realm of reality, because when his lips touched mine this time, his hands cradled my head and his tongue begged for permission to enter.
PERMISSION GRANTED, HELLLOO. 
The kiss must have lasted for hours—okay well, until we couldn’t breathe any more. Then he just turned and walked away. (Not the last time that happened to me, but alas that’s another story as well.)
WHAT??? I mean, come on! He loved me? Just kissed me like I’ve never been kissed before or since and now he’s gone and I’m leaving for some god forsaken cold-ass country backwoods state and I’ll never see him again? Did it even happen? I touch my hand to my mouth and the moistness remains. Hell yeah it happened.
NOT FAIR I TELL YOU!!
And so began the story of my life. Yes, I am happily married, and yes, I survived the heartbreak (that one and the others to follow) though I don’t know how. But I will never forget my golden boy neighbor and the irony that was our relationship.
As an aside, the following summer I went to the Jersey shore to visit a friend and her family for a couple of weeks. The day before I was to leave, I saw Allen’s sisters on the beach. (Oh, did I forget to mention he had sisters?) Anyway, I asked them if he was there and they said he was working and wouldn’t make it to the beach till the following night. UGGHH!!
I have so often wondered where he is now, what he’s doing, and who the lucky woman is that grabbed his heart. But I like to tell myself I was the first one who had it. Ah, well.
So, who was your first love?
February 24th, 2010 at 10:18 pm
Ah, I think you want to make me cry, Debbie. Oh boy, do I ever remember. Tommy was from a wealthy family in a neighboring town about 15 miles away from my little burg. I’d gone with an ‘older’ friend who had a car to that town’s street dance. That was the first time I ever saw him. I was 15 and he was 16. He was beautiful. Tall, rangy build (he played basketball)swarthy dark skin and very black hair. They most goreous amber colored eyes. He met me, pursued me like crazy and yes, we started dating. I mentioned he was wealthy. Well, I wasn’t. I was planted firmly in the middle class and living in this tiny dump of a town. That was me. His mother HATED me. She thought I was totally beneath her beautiful son because of where I lived. The day he succumbed to pressure from her and broke up with me just about killed me. Years later, in college, we dated again but I couldn’t forget the way he’d broken my heart for such a shallow reason. A few years after I saw him last, I learned he’d been killed in a car wreck. So very sad. Such a beautiful young man. Still, to this day, I think of him. I have my own kids and they are grown but I still remember him.
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February 24th, 2010 at 10:23 pm
Awwww, that is so sad, Regina. What an awful end.
February 24th, 2010 at 10:56 pm
That was beautiful, Debbie. *sniff* I still remember my first love too, and wonder…
February 25th, 2010 at 5:23 am
Thanks, Lisa! I think we all must wonder from time to time.
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February 25th, 2010 at 5:24 am
UGGHHH, Not Again with the party babe. It’s mot me, lol.
Debbie Gould´s last blog ..Party babe fingering her pussy in adult cam!
February 25th, 2010 at 5:41 am
Awww…..lovely blog, Debbie! Oh, Allen! Now you’ve got ME wondering where he is now!
Lovely memory!
Thanks for sharing with us!
Carol´s last blog ..Eat Your Heart Out, Carrie Bradshaw……
February 25th, 2010 at 5:52 am
LOL, thanks, Carol. I actually tried to google him and got a few hits, but not sure if it was his father or him.
February 25th, 2010 at 9:11 am
I was thirteen too. And to this day when I think about that geeky boy I fell for and what he’s turned into today, I CRINGE! LMAO!
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February 25th, 2010 at 9:33 am
Oh my the memories. I was painfully shy and couldn’t even gaze into his beautiful green eyes without blushing. He tried hard to get in my pants and educate me in wicked way in my dad’s basement. He’s gay now. lol Maybe I should have said yes.
February 25th, 2010 at 11:48 am
LMAO, that bad Faith?
Oh my, Cassie, maybe you should have, lol.
February 25th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
He lived across the street. The dairy farmer across the street died and his family sold the land to a developer. Duplexes went in. Junior was a Hispanic kid a year younger than me. Big brown eyes, curly hair, fair complected, freckles. I had a mild crush on him and he was the first boy I ever frenched. It was really short-lived (I think I was in 8th grade and he was in 7th) and his mom hated me too. LOL
When I was in high school I had a few crushes. Kissed a few boys. But, meh. Mostly wasn’t that interested in them… until my senior year when I met a freshman named David. Dark blond hair, hazel green eyes, tall, lean, with the most gorgeous smile you could ever imagine. And an infectious laugh. Smart as a whip too. Quick witted and witty. God, I loved him instantly. Our eyes locked and I was a goner.
To this day I love him dearly. He broke my heart, but it seems to have mended okay and really, he’s the man who taught to me love and he’s the one I experimented with sexually.
Today, you’ll find his blog link over at Sunlight Sucks. Bella Daddy Blog. It’s about how he and his partner used a surrogate and had a child. Yep. He’s gay. And he’s still beyond beautiful in my eyes. (Really. Go look at his photo on his blog.) Like your first love, Deb, David will always love me, and I’ll always love him. No one can ever take away what we shared all those years ago.
Great post, my friend. Great post.
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February 25th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Great post, Debbie. Talk about heartbreak. But at least you got a kiss…my first crush never acknowledged me. We ran around a lot, but I think he just liked having me hang around. Flirted with other girls right in front of me. Grrr… Had to go my own way, but I pined for months. When I wonder about him, I’m certain his life completely sucks because he didn’t choose me. LMAO
