“Oh, that’s um…nice.”
Yeah, that’s the usual response I get when I meet people in person and say I’m a writer. Well, it’s actually the second response. Conversations normally go as follows;
Random person: “So, what do you do?”
Me: “I’m a stay-at-home mom, but I also write.”
Random person: “What do you write about?”
Me: “Well, I write gay erotic romance. I’ve had some short stories published and also a novel. I’m working on the sequel to that right now.”
Random person: Long pause as they figure out what the hell to say, then, “Oh, that’s um…nice.”
End of conversation.
Over the past couple years since I’ve had my first short story published, I think I’ve figured out a few reasons why I get this pretty standard reaction. One being when I talk to someone face-to-face, they don’t get the chance to stare at an email while they think of response. They feel they need to say something fairly quickly since I’m standing in front of them smiling. But maybe it’s because I am standing in front of them that causes this reaction. As a guy friend of mine once said to me years ago when I got huffy at him for drooling over a provocatively dressed woman, “Oh, you’re hot too, but you’re like, Marsha Brady hot.” I never was quite sure how to take that comment, but I translated it into I look like a good girl. But you know what they say? It’s the good girls and boys you have to watch out for.
Combine that with the “erotic” part of my statement. If when I meet people, they instantly get that same impression my friend told me regarding my outward appearance, me spitting out the word erotic just all out stuns them. It’d be like if there was a very special Brady Bunch episode where Marsha confesses she’s an underage stripper. You just didn’t see it coming. And simply being associated with something erotic in any way tends to give the idea that I must be a wild woman swinging naked from a trapeze in my bedroom every night, which so isn’t true. I’m really clumsy. I’d be certain to fall off and cause some terrible injury to myself.
The final reason I think people don’t know what to say is by far the saddest, and that’s the bigotry directed toward homosexuality. Occasionally I get someone who says, “Why do you write that?” My response, “Because I believe in equal rights, and love is transcendent to gender and sexuality.” After this declaration, I often see confusion on people’s faces, as if they’re trying to come to grips with this jolt to their minds and beliefs. Marsha Brady writes hot man-on-man action! How’d this happen?
But despite this shock, as the conversation ends and we part ways, I always hold onto the hope that when that person crosses paths with someone deserving of acceptance, whether it’s for sexuality, race, religion, or any of the other so many sad reasons people are singled out, that they’ll show acceptance to them. Maybe it’s a naïve hope, but I believe acceptance works like a chain reaction. What a beautiful place the world would be if all preconceived notions could be dropped when we meet a person, and instead of deciding who they must by looking at their outward appearance, we wait until we truly know them as an individual.
Now, that’s not to say confusion is the only reaction I’ve ever gotten when I talk about my writing. And it’s not to say that I haven’t politely turned down prayers to save my soul, or fought with every bit of my willpower to not burst out laughing at the suggestion I should write children’s books instead (if you’ve read my work, you know why that last suggestion is hysterical), but I’ve also come across people who offer full support. Those encounters are what swell the hope I have and keep it strong.
So, if you read this and think, “Oh, that’s um…nice,” I’m okay with that. If you read it and think I’m a total loony, well, you wouldn’t be the first. Or even if you read this and then think of it the next time you see a Brady Bunch rerun, I’ll take that, too. But if you read this and think that the next time you meet someone, you’d like to share in the hope I have, then I’ll be overjoyed.
March 4th, 2010 at 8:23 am
Girlfriend…LOL you are no Marsha Brady. I love your books and personally can’t wait for more dragons. So what else is in the works? Have I read it all already?
March 4th, 2010 at 8:52 am
Hiya, Gerri! Sorry ’bout the confusion. That wasn’t posted by Lex, it was by me
I’ve got rock stars instead of dragons, lol!
March 4th, 2010 at 9:37 am
Gerri really should read your rock stars! I may have to buy her a copy.
She loves the hot man on man action. 
And it’s true, I’m no Marsha Brady. But people are little taken aback that the snarky, cynical IT person at the cemetery writes erotic novels. One co-worker yesterday was saying I need to sign a copy of one of my books to him. He wanted it to say, “Thanks for using me as your cover model.”
I told him, “Oooh. I have a new cover by Anne Cain too! It’s gorgeous.”
He stopped, thought for a second, then said, “The men aren’t embracing on the cover, are they?”
I told him, “No. Only inside.”
He laughed, but I get the distinct feeling he’ll wait on that autographed copy until I have one with a hot guy embracing a half naked woman on the cover. *wink*
March 4th, 2010 at 10:23 am
Aww, thank you, Lex! That’s sweet of you to say about my rocker boys
Those face to face reactions when you spill what you write are priceless, aren’t they? That’s hilarious about your co-worker. But that Anne Cain cover of yours is so drool worthy!
I had an acquaintance, who knowing what I write, decided to look me up on Facebook, and they were horrified by Conquest’s cover. A nude male torso! How shocking! How depraved! They never did friend me, lol.
March 4th, 2010 at 11:31 am
I have the whole Marsha Brady thing going on too. Well, an OLDER Marsha Brady maybe. This is a great post because we often wonder what to say to people and how to broach the subject. Because of the conservative bible-belty area where I live, I tend to not mention what I do. If pressed, I’ll say I write romance. That usually raises enough eyebrows on it’s own. There are SOME who are closer friends and know I write erotic. It’s okay with them but I often stay pretty quiet about it unless I feel safe. Lately, things have begun to change. Even Mr. Regina often tells people what I write (very unusual) and I’m finding erotic romance fans in the oddest places. Pretty cool actually.
Regina Carlysle´s last blog ..I write erotic…so what?
March 4th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Hi, Regina! Yeah, these days I look like an older, more haggard Marsha Brady, lol! I really need to find the secret to getting rid of these circles under my eyes that doesn’t include more sleep, because that’s so not going to happen.
I hear you on living in a conservative area. I do too up here in northwest Ohio. You really do never know what kind of reaction you’ll get when you tell people in person what you write. With being online, I’m surrounded by so many wonderful and supportive people, I have to remind myself the people I meet face to face may not be like that, which is just incredibly sad. So I’m always prepared for that backlash when I let it out.
March 4th, 2010 at 3:35 pm
Shannon!!! Wow, love your blog and I totally share the hope that people will pause a moment to actually think before making a snap decision on someone’s worth because of who they are, what they look like or what they do.
Yeah, it’s somewhat idealistic, but it’s kind of like when I let a driver into my lane; it’s not as though I’m going to lose a whole lot of time and I can’t count the number of times that I’ve seen that same driver return the favour.
Pay it forward or just opening people’s minds… don’t know, but I know that it can happen.
Kathy K´s last blog ..D.W. Marchwell ~ Falling
March 4th, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Thank you so much, Kathy! And exactly! I really believe all it takes is doing an act of kindness, openly showing acceptance, for it to spread to others. It’s like how all civil rights movements start out small, so often with one or just a handful of people speaking up to say, “Hey, it’s not right to treat another person like this,” but that small group steadily grows in numbers and strength, one person at a time until change happens.