There are things in this world I knew, but didn’t know I knew. God help me. Last night I realized it was my turn to blog this morning, and as I am recovering from a horrible upper respiratory infection, my brain is a little foggy. So I decided to search for a blog idea and ran across a topic that is near and dear to my heart. The latest sex trends. Now before anyone gets all excited and thinks I’m trolling porn sites, I’m not. I just snoop around and see what’s up is all. Gotta stay knowledgeable on sex if you write erotic romance you know.

It’s not like I’m learning any new tricks in my personal life. TMI? Well, just sayin’.

Anyway, I found out last night that 77 is one of the latest things couples have going on. When I saw that pop up I thought…Whoa! If 69 is good then 77 has got to be even better. Well, just stands to reason, doesn’t it? Then I found out what it is. Lying side by side, his chest to her back, rear entry position, but while moving you stretch out and it forms double 7s. Jeez…must have been a mirror on that ceiling for them to have figured out it looked like a 7. I thought it was going to be something I’d never done before. Old news.

Sooooo…I kept looking. There had to be something exciting for me to see somewhere. Or at least something that would make my mouth fly open. And there was. A new sex toy. The Cone. I saw that and immediately thought of orange road cones. Then I saw the pic. Don’t you just love it? All pink and rubbery. Nice. Uh huh. Are my words dripping sarcasm here? Can you feel it?

Okay, I go to the site where this thing is sold. It’s a vibrator. A $120 vibrator. Yeah, and for that much money it better bring me roses too! In case anyone is interested, I’ll put a plug in for the site so you can read the full description of this product as I’ll only be giving you snippets and my commentary. http://www.bettersex.com/Vibrators/Clitoral-Vibrator/sp-the-cone-vibrator-2758.aspx

Now granted, I haven’t tried this thing, nor will I. I’m not so hard up that I need to spend that much money. And if I were so inclined to spend that much money, statements like “powerful 3 Volt 3000rpm gold brush motor with 16, yes 16, pre-programmed vibration patterns” would scare the hell out of me! When you start talking volts and rpm—I am out the door.

And that’s not all. You can “climax while in doggie style”. Alone? I guess you could, but I kept having visions of that and somehow this cone sticking out like that just didn’t work for me. Now the person doing the pitch for this toy suggests you use it while in bumper-to-bumper rush-hour traffic. Guess now we know why there are so many accidents that time of day.

Here’s the kicker. It was kind of late when I was reading about this. I’d been on a live chat promoting my latest release, A Scarlet Memoir, http://alpheratzpress.com

Yes, shameless promo. You knew it was coming, didn’t you? So anyway I was tired and this was the last thing I was doing before I went to bed. I got to the part where it describes the product’s dimensions. Talk about eyes getting as big around as saucers and mouth flying wide open! Did that really say four and a half feet tall!

I put my reading glasses on. No. It said four and a half inches. Okay, the little marks were really tiny. Sue me. I think next month when I look for a blog topic I’ll stay away from all the toy sites.

Here’s hoping everyone gets to swill down at least one glass of green beer tomorrow! Happy St. Pat’s Day!