Write What You Know, They Said….
And I wound up writing erotica. As a college pal of mine once said, when I questioned all the sex talk, “I like having sex. And when I’m not having sex, I like talking about sex.” It’s hard to argue with that logic.
I don’t talk about sex so much, what with being a product of my repressed Southern Baptist childhood, and an introvert to boot, but I sure like having it–and writing about it. So when I started writing erotic romance, I naturally drew on my own experiences, as everyone does. When I wrote stories about group sex, or swinging in particular (Queen Bee, or The Wild One) I drew on my more specific experiences with those things. Experiences which both were, and weren’t, what I had learned to expect from years of reading Penthouse Letters and other descriptions (real or imagined) of what sexual adventures were like. I learned things.
So, just in case you’re ever invited to an orgy, some observations from personal experience:
- Respond To The Invitation! You wouldn’t think this would have to be said. Alas, you’d be wrong. It’s amazing how many people, lucky enough to have been invited to an orgy, can’t be bothered to let the hosts know whether or not they’re going to attend. Waiting until the last minute to RSVP is rude, and suggests (perhaps correctly) that you’re waiting to see if you get a “better” offer. It’s hard enough throwing a party when you don’t know how many people will be there, and doubly so when you’re trying to balance the number of men and women attending. That kind of behavior will not get you invited to a second party.
- Not Everyone Is Hotter Than Blazes. In real life, most of us are not the equals of the gorgeous young eye candy to be found in Hollywood, in either mainstream film or porn. Even if we start out that way, all of us will get older–if we’re lucky–and most of us will get heavier and lose…definition. What we generally don’t lose, or at least much more slowly, is our sex drive. We still want it, and we still get it. Real world sex parties are full of people who don’t meet the Hollywood criteria for beauty, but they’re still attractive, and still capable of rocking your world if you give them the chance.
- Sex Parties Are For Sex. Or, in the immortal words of one playmate, when we were the only ones getting busy, “Those silly people in the next room. They’re out there talking when they could be fucking.” That said, you don’t have to have sex with everyone–or anyone, if you don’t want to. I’ve known nervous first-timers who feared that they would be subjected to pressure to participate. I wasn’t one of them. I was the nervous first timer (and I was nervous, but also excited) who hoped to be invited to participate. I’d been wanting to try it for years. I was, and I did. It was great.
- No Means No. This is pretty self-explanatory, I think. If invited to have sex (“play”) with someone, you can always decline. Furthermore…
- You Don’t Have To Make Excuses. And you’re well advised not to make excuses. If you’re approached by someone who doesn’t turn your crank, float your boat, or some other euphemism for making you want to get physical with him, you don’t have to explain why you don’t want to play with him. A simple “No, thank you” is sufficient. Maybe you’re tired. Maybe you’re thirsty or hungry. Maybe you’re actually involved in an interesting conversation with other partygoers. Maybe he just doesn’t do it for you. Whatever the reason, you don’t owe it to anyone to explain yourself–and a transparent lie (telling someone you’re too tired right now to take up her offer of sex, then immediately inviting someone else to play, for instance, as I’ve seen happen) is just rude. It’s almost as bad as telling someone outright that he’s too old, too fat, to unattractive to interest you. It may be true–but you don’t have to say so. Be kind; it could be you on the receiving end of a “no, thank you” next time.
- By The Same Token, Don’t Keep Asking. If you’ve asked someone to play with you and she’s said no, don’t keep asking. Not at the same event. If you meet again on another evening, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask again–though a second (or at most, a third) rejection should make it clear that you’re just not her type. Don’t ask again. If she ever changes her mind, she’ll let you know. She may tell you why she’s saying no (though she’s under no obligation to do so), or suggest asking again later. Or she might approach you later that evening, or at another event. But understand that nobody is everyone else’s cup of tea–name the hottest Hollywood celebrity in history and there are people who just don’t understand what all the fuss is about. You’re not going to be catnip to everyone you fancy either.
- No Touching Without Permission. Just because someone is scantily clad or naked doesn’t mean you can walk up and touch him. No, not even if someone else is doing so. No, not even if he’s having sex right there in front of you with two or three other women. Or men. Or men and women. You weren’t invited. They were. Or at least, that’s what you should assume. If you want to join in, ask. Chances are they’ll agree. If they don’t, see Rule # 3. (I have to confess, however, that in my personal experience, this rule tends to be observed less strictly than all the others. It annoys me, especially when it happens to me. I’ve participated in my share of threesomes or group gropes, though I prefer to concentrate on one playmate at a time. Going into a threesome is one thing, having a third party invite himself or herself into the action midway is something else again. Don’t do it!)
- This Is Not A Date. Don’t monopolize another guest. If you’re only interested into getting together with one another, get your own room.
- Don’t Be An Ass. Some of the rules above are simply specific ass-like behaviors to avoid, but the rule is also broader than that. Sex aside, a swing party is like any other–behave like you would at any other gathering. Be polite, be friendly. The swinging community, in any given locale, is a small one. If you behave like an ass, or a boor, people will notice. And they’ll talk. And you’ll find your opportunities for partying drying up in a hurry.
There’s more I could say, but really the best way to learn what such an event is like, is to try it yourself. At worst, you’ll have a new experience to draw upon for your writing, if you’re a writer, or a great story to tell your friends. At best, you’ll have lots of great sex and meet some new friends.
Tags: Gail Roarke, swinging, threesomes










