I don’t know about the rest of you, but when I was growing up, no one ever had ‘the talk’ with me. My mother was against discussing anything sexual at all. My father? Well, he liked to joke and would have been a more open parent had he not been married to my mother. But that’s another story for another day.
The reason I’m blogging about sex ed today is because my little boy was talking about it a few days ago, and I thought it would be a good topic to get some opinions on. I guess I’m pro sex education, however, I don’t feel like they are going about it the right way. According to my kid, it appears to be more about reproductive parts and how the body works rather than the things that a kid needs to actually learn.
They don’t teach them about putting slot A into slot B, for instance. Now some of you might think that isn’t something they need to know—that if you tell them, they’ll go out and practice. I think that you’ve already got kids out there having sex and that those who do were going to anyway and those who don’t, well, knowing the details isn’t going to matter to them.
So why do we have some kids having sex at an early age when others refrain? I’ve heard a range of answers on that one for sure. Every excuse from seeing it on TV to peer pressure. Now I don’t doubt that kids watch too much TV, see things maybe they shouldn’t too soon, but I can’t blame their sexual activity on being exposed to too much too soon. Nor can I blame it on peer pressure completely. If we raise our children to be strong in mind, no amount of ‘overexposure’ to TV, video games, and movies could possibly sway them. And most certainly not little Sally Jane Doe from up the street.
I honestly believe that children, and when I say children I mean those eleven to fifteen years old, are inclined to seek out another person to share something with if their lives are somehow lacking. That it’s all about getting the attention they need. Maybe it’s about being touched in general. An awful lot of kids don’t get as many hugs as they should. I remember hearing a ten-year-old child say to me once that she wanted a baby. I knew her parents and knew that the child received no attention. That the child was actually hungry—and in more ways than one. Hungry for not only food, but love. That child was pregnant at age twelve. I saw that girl not too long ago, now all grown up and with three children. She’s probably twenty-five or so. She works as a caregiver to the elderly and is married, her husband employed in construction. I looked at her children and was immediately impressed with how they were dressed. She’d taken such care with them. Their hair was nice and shiny, clean clothes and shoes, and all were smiling and you could just tell they loved their Mama. It was nice to know that she’d broken what could have been a vicious cycle. That’s not to say I recommend anyone getting pregnant at age twelve. Hell no. But to explain that this child had nothing and so wanted something. She seemed happy now, and I can’t imagine what she had to go through to get to the place she is today.
Children crave love and affection. They need to know that parents are there to talk to and support them no matter what. The answer to preventing children from having babies isn’t in a sex ed class that never really does anything other than teach them about reproduction and whisper don’t do it because it ruins your life. The answer lies with good parenting. Open communication with children. Setting a good example.
And hugging.
I remember a girl in high school who evidently was learning disabled. Her mother gave birth to her late in life (well fortyish isn’t too late, but not the norm maybe) so she was fifteen and her parents were in their sixties. This girl thought she could get pregnant if a boy stuck his tongue in her ear. That’s one of the things her parents had told her. I’m all for protecting children, but that kind of lie doesn’t protect them, does it? The girl was pregnant by the end of her junior year.
At least sex ed is getting rid of the lies. I’ll say that much for the system. But it needs to go further. Instead of the gym teacher (that’s who teaches sex ed in our school system) getting up in front of the P.E. class for three weeks out of the school year and talking about sperm swimming and eggs traveling through tubes, it would seem that someone more qualified needs to be doing this. Someone who can speak to these children about their fears, their needs, and the consequences of their actions. These things are only touched on by that three week session. It might be different in other school systems, but where I live, the entire process is sorely lacking. I honestly believe that school systems should turn up the focus on the child/teen pregnancy problem a couple of notches and possibly even go so far as to have counselors in the schools that are trained to address this single issue. The systems could target schools where there seems to be a major problem.
In the meantime, I talk to my kid. I’m very open with him, and he’s very open with me. Sometimes his questions are a bit more than what I’d like to discuss with him. But it’s answering those hard questions despite the momentary embarrassment that makes us good parents, isn’t it? Staying involved in your child’s life is the single most important thing any of us will ever do.
And that involvement doesn’t end at age eighteen. Though I’ve had it said to me a hundred times in recent months that once they turn eighteen there is nothing else for me to do, I subscribe to the theory that with love comes responsibility. And my kids will always have me driving them crazy about this or that. I’ll always be their cheerleader, mentor, and staunchest critic. I’m not above ‘tough love’. But in the end, my actions are always fueled by my love.
Anyway, when I opened the email, I have to say I was a tad…disappointed. Which really surprised me. 
